Going away today.......

today i am returning to the 'movement disorder cslinic' in a way i should feel happy, excited & grateful - to have access to one of only 8 beds in the country tells me that our public health system needs help & that i am very fortunate woman!!
Yet i am extremely sad and distressed as latetly i have been trying hard to hold the 'poor me's away (depression) but somehow i fear my attempts are too little - too late for my husband & kids for that matter!

I know they love me but the fact remains that the awful truth of this disease has affected my marriage so deeply that i feel incredibly hurt and scared as this is the 1st time in 28yrs of what i believed was the MOST SOLID loving relationship my poor husband who is worn thin with my daily needs and care - does not wish to travel with me today - instead i must rely on my 13yr old and the kindness of friends to get me through - & its hard to tell yourself that its all ok sometimes